“I have incurable cancer – but it’s taught me to live with more hope, not less.”

I am living a full life with secondary (metastatic) breast cancer, a type of cancer that affects an estimated 61,000 people in the UK but remains under-recognised and under-discussed. It is an incurable form of cancer that spreads from the breast to other parts of the body, often bringing an immense emotional, physical and mental toll to patients and their families. An estimated 1,000 women in the UK die from the disease every month.

I was diagnosed with primary breast cancer in 2012 and secondary breast cancer affecting my bones, liver and lungs in 2019. Cancer has been part of my vocabulary for a quarter of my life. I am thankful that my disease is stable, as many people have more aggressive cancers. I am on continuous treatment, living with side effects including fatigue and low immunity, as well as periods of pain and loss of function in my hips and legs. I know that God holds all these things: my interests, the loves of my life, my worries and frustrations.

READ MORE: My story of God’s grace and healing on World Cancer Day

My faith has changed through cancer.

My faith has changed through cancer. I am learning to find peace and dependence on God through my worship at St Paul’s and St George’s Church (Ps & Gs) in Edinburgh. I can do nothing about my cancer except adhere to treatment and listen to the medics. So, I stand before God in permanent uncertainty. This focuses me on the present and on the truth that God is above all things.

I pursue gratitude. Cancer treatment is often tedious and painful, and it interrupts my plans. So, I try to switch the lens, like moving from taking a selfie to photographing a view. Some days, I can only be thankful for a decent cup of tea, and on other days, I can see the many relationships, resources and beauty around me.

READ MORE: Cancer taught me who I really am in God

I am learning to be hopeful. Looking far into the future can be problematic, and hoping for a life into old age can seem a bit ambitious. So, I hope for things on my near horizon, such as Christmas, holidays and the birth of a grandchild. Underpinning this is the hope of a resurrected life and the certainty of safety with God. I cling to this on days when I am scared and fearful of the future. I sense God being with me in this life with cancer. I notice his presence in hard times. Sometimes, I have felt an inexplicable peace during scans and treatments. On other days, I feel strangely safe or particularly aware of the beauty of creation. These small experiences have built my faith over time.

However, I could not find a space for people to talk, share and pray about the spiritual side of living with cancer.

However, I could not find a space for people to talk, share and pray about the spiritual side of living with cancer. I came across Rev Helen Jones, who set up a Christian support group that has now expanded to more than a dozen “Firm Roots” groups. This was the encouragement I needed and, along with two great friends, we began a group last year.

READ MORE: When I was diagnosed with breast cancer the only thing that got me through the fear of losing my breast was God’s words that I’m a ’beautiful masterpiece’

We have been supported by Helen, the Firm Roots team and Ps & Gs Church in Edinburgh. It has been a humbling and surprising privilege to stand alongside people going through cancer and their loved ones at possibly the most difficult periods of their lives. We create a space of honesty, vulnerability and safety, where we meet with others who understand what this life is like. Our meetings include chatter and reflection, big questions about faith, prayer, a few laughs and excellent cake.

I do not have all the answers. Living with secondary cancer can feel unjust, unfair and hopeless. I am good friends with fear and doubt. I have had excellent support through charities such as Make 2nds Count, whose work supporting essential research into secondary disease is amazing. I have already seen the fruits of that research in the treatment I receive. The support groups they hold, both in person and online, also make such a practical difference to those of us living with a disease that is not well understood.

I am part of Make 2nds Count’s campaign, My Life, My Way, which is running this October. It aims to show that there is no one way to live with secondary breast cancer and to help anyone who has been diagnosed feel seen and less alone in their experience. Despite medical advances that mean many people are doing so much better than even a couple of decades ago, ‘cancer’ can still be an awkward conversation topic in churches. I would encourage church leaders to open the conversation and invite those living with cancer to say what they need. The experience of cancer can lead us to new insights into God’s presence, suffering and hope that may help others. A support group like Firm Roots may be nearby, or you could consider starting something.

Cancer is not a path I would have chosen, and yet, through community and prayer, I have withstood some very wobbly moments and found purpose and meaning in my life.

Miranda is sharing her story as part of Make 2nds Count’s ‘My Life, My Way’ campaign. For more information on the charity or to get involved, visit Make 2nds Count campaign.