‘We have an inherent desire to know that we belong and any blips in relationship with our immediate relations can be remedied by grandparents who offer a sense of family identity in a way that can reinforce parental values,’ says Hannah Wickens.
When I gave birth to our first, I realised how deeply entrenched were my views, that the mother (and father to some extent) had to sweat it out alone in keeping this baby alive. Each sleepless night and soggy shoulder from teething or a sick baby was another notch in the martyrdom armour of being a mother, a privilege earned by doing the hard yards alone.
This was my battered badge of honour until a tipping point where my internal raft of emotions couldn’t stay afloat, and I admitted my need of help. Prior to accepting support, I didn’t realise how much it would enable me to be a better and more attentive mother.
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I’m fortunate to be living in a ready-made annex type situation; we ‘temporarily’ moved into the stable block next to my mother and sister, on the supposition that we’d rent it out whilst living in California. 5 years later and we’re in this same home and life in the USA is a distant dream.
There are many benefits to living in proximity with family.
There are many benefits to living in proximity with family. The emotional support is all inclusive and foundational; the physical help is as needed, but one of the main bonuses, from the eyes of my girls particularly, is having different family members on site to run to for alternative views and of course a change of scene from our cosy abode.
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I felt the distinct draught of the grandparent’s departure when they escaped on a cruise last week. I was confident we’d cope alone, but my youngest was particularly bleak when she saw granny ‘taken away in a black car’ (chauffer driven). The gaping hole of a dearth of emotional support was felt when my youngest was sick. My mother gives wonderful reassurance that comes from a knowledge of the Father’s love and the Word of God, knowing that God desires for his children to be well. Her faith also benefits from the slight emotional distance that a grandparent has over a parent who can become consumed with anxiety, whereby emotion quenches faith.
Texting them miles away at sea didn’t create the same reassurance. It made me realise how fortunate our living situation is and reiterated how faulty my belief was that it was my responsibility to meet all my girls’ needs alone.
I believe every child is a gift from God, belonging to him first and given to us to look after with his help, whilst on earth.
I believe every child is a gift from God, belonging to him first and given to us to look after with his help, whilst on earth. Divine wisdom is needed for each child, as each is unique, requiring a tailored approach.
The Disney film, Encanto offers an excellent example of multi-generational living, depicting the blessings and the potential curveballs of three generations living together. A strong matriarch, initially rather manipulative and controlling, learns the redeeming power of repentance and forgiveness, two essential ingredients for harmonious living. Her presence in the Casita brings a sense of generational blessing and ancestral views that support all the inhabitants, in addition to a sense of belonging.
This type of dwelling illustrates an archetypal situation within Latin and Spanish culture. On visiting a friend in the Balearic Islands, I observed many grandparents looking after their grandchildren in the parks and cafes surrounding us, with a sense of continuity and decorum. Grandparents can set expectations for behaviour that command respect in a way parents may struggle to.
Everyone seeks a sense of identity, only fully found in our Creator God, but can also be learned within family. Additionally, we have an inherent desire to know that we belong and any blips in relationship with our immediate relations can be remedied by grandparents who offer a sense of family identity in a way that can reinforce parental values.
Our identity as a Christian is as a child of God, our future certain; parents can teach and reflect this truth, along with extended family and friends who also reiterate it. We’re not made to do life alone but in community – the body of Christ, each reflecting a different part of God and the more parts a child has close contact with, the greater their picture and understanding of God’s character, as we’re each made in the image of God.
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