In our fortnightly column 'Great Sexpectations' the Woman Alive panel answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us a confidential email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, we tackle; what to do if your SO (Significant Other) is going out without you and partying a lot.
Ooh you party pooper! I’m kidding of course but ’tis the season to be jolly.
Christians love to bring up the miracle of Jesus turning water into wine at the wedding in Cana to assert that even Jesus loved to party. And many of us are still trying to escape the lasting claustrophobic effects of lockdown. So yes, naturally, your partner will want to take the opportunity to celebrate as much as possible. And so, in theory, should you. What does your social life look like? Do you also go out with friends/colleagues?
You’ve not articulated this in your question so I don’t want to assume, but it sounds as though what you might be asking is: "Should I worry about my partner meeting or cheating with other girls?" If you are worried about this then can I gently suggest that this is perhaps not the only indication of what you might be afraid of? Are there other signs you have picked up on, with this being only one of them? There are many references to wisdom in the Bible and a good place to start here is to ask God to give you wisdom and discernment on this issue that you’re worried about. And try and be honest with yourself. Anyone I’ve ever known who got to the stage where they wanted to check their partner’s phone, for example, found exactly what they were looking for. However! If your partner going out to party without you is an isolated concern then please do read on…
Anyone I’ve ever known who got to the stage where they wanted to check their partner’s phone, for example, found exactly what they were looking for.
Your question suggests you rather think that you should be doing the party season together, and while many couples do; many couples don’t. I’m interested to know what other areas of your life together look like. Are you at the stage where you attend family events together as a default? Do you always go on holiday together? Do you send greeting cards with a joint sign off? If this is what other parts of the relationship look like, then I do think it’s worth sitting down with your partner, letting him know how you feel and asking what’s different about this particular area of your lives that he wants to keep it separate. If the rest of your lives are lived rather separately then maybe he has just gotten used to that. It might also be that he cherishes the alone time the two of you have, but when he is “out out”, he sees that as being his time.
Speaking from personal experience, I’m usually the first person on the dance floor – or table or bar – because I occasionally want to channel my inner Coyote Ugly. My partner isn’t much of a dancer and would much rather be at home waiting for me so I can go out and do tried and tested dance moves with my closest friends. If your partner is naturally more of a social animal than you, maybe he is saving you the burden of having to keep up with him.
If your partner is naturally more of a social animal than you, maybe he is saving you the burden of having to keep up with him.
Thanks to my childhood diet of scripture made into songs for children, this just popped into my head:
"Why worry, when you can pray,
trust Jesus, he knows the way,
don’t be a doubting Thomas,
just stand upon his promise,
why worry, worry, worry, worry when you can pray!"
And okay this might not be directly related to your concern but the underlying message is, prayer is a helpful antidote to worry. And in this case, so is speaking with the person you are worried about. I find it helpful to know that God cares for us and hears all our prayers. He doesn’t only pay attention when we’re asking for world peace. 1 Peter 5:7 says: "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." So here’s my advice; read it or throw it in the bin but I do hope you can resolve any issues with your partner and even more so that this starts a life-changing practice of giving your worries up to God.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel.
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