In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ the Woman Alive panel answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us a confidential email on firstname.lastname@example.org and ask us anything. Here, we tackle; whether married Christian couples can be ‘experimental’ in the sack.
Well reader, vague questions get vague answers. So I would say yes… and no. Without knowing specifically which “experimental” activities you want to try out it’s hard to give direct advice. But here are some things that I think it’s important to point out.
Firstly; hello, yes and amen to wanting a full and rich sex life with your husband! Did you know that a survey in the US found the group who were most satisfied with their bedroom activity were middle-aged, married Presbyterian women? We’ll have what she’s having - am I right?! I love that you want to explore each other and connect more deeply in the bedroom.
Did you know that a survey in the US found that the group who were most satisfied with their bedroom activity were middle-aged, married Presbyterian women?
But that said, when trying new things there are some questions you have to ask yourself. The first is; why do you or your partner want to try that thing? I’ll be really frank here and throw out the example that I think is most common at the moment - husbands asking their wives for anal sex. The increased appetite for this specific act is exclusively the result of porn, and where porn leads is not where Christians should be following. I would strongly suggest you ask yourself; “Why does this act appeal to me?” When deciding how to connect with your partner, if it’s likely to have come from a worldly and not-at-all-glorifying place, you may want to reconsider.
Next, does either party feel pressured to do this thing? If one person has said no relentlessly and then finally is badgered into agreeing - that’s not consent. Both you and your husband need to be enthusiastic and excited about trying this new thing.
When deciding how to connect with your partner, if it’s likely to have come from a worldly and not-at-all-glorifying place, you may want to reconsider.
Next, are you asking for the act because it will bring you (individually) more pleasure or because it would be a great tool to more deeply connecting with your partner? There’s nothing wrong with increasing your physical pleasure in sex, but it shouldn’t come at a cost to your husband and should ultimately bring you closer.
Finally, and this one if probably the most important; does it glorify God? Would you be proud to have a physical union between you with God at the centre when you’re doing whatever this “experimental” thing is?
If your bedroom experimentation passes all of these checks, then I say go for it. Anything that a couple is excited about doing together, that hasn’t come from porn or worldly ideas, brings them closer together and glorifies God gets the green light from me. Go and knock his socks off.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel.