In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, the Woman Alive team answer a woman with questions about libido in menopause.
Dear Woman Alive,
This is quite embarrassing to talk about, so I am grateful for this column. I am a woman in my early fifties and menopausal. I have been married for 25 years and my husband and I have enjoyed a good sex life generally - there were a few desert patches after our kids were born! But now, I could leave sex altogether, I have no libido, and sex is actually quite painful now. I know sex is part of a healthy marriage, but what if we agree we both are happy without? Is that ok?!
READ MORE: Menopause - a whole-body experience
Dear Reader,
First of all, thank you for writing about something that can feel very private. It takes courage to put words to what so many women quietly go through, and by speaking it out you are already lifting some of the weight that comes with silence.
Marriage and intimacy have seasons, just as life does.
Marriage and intimacy have seasons, just as life does. You’ve been married for 25 years, which already speaks of faithfulness, perseverance, and love. The Bible reminds us in 1 Corinthians 7 that intimacy in marriage is a gift, something that husbands and wives are called to share and not neglect. Yet Paul also allows room for couples to agree together on what works for them. That means it isn’t about meeting a quota or forcing yourself into what once was, but about choosing together how you want to honour your covenant in this season. If you and your husband are truly content without sexual intimacy, there is no sin in that. What matters is agreement, honesty, and love—not ticking boxes.
READ MORE: I have learnt to consider the challenges of menopause through the unique perspective of faith
That said, the pain you’re describing is very real and very common in menopause. Vaginal dryness can make sex something you dread instead of something you look forward to. You don’t have to just “live with it.” Many women find relief with simple over-the-counter lubricants and moisturizers. If those aren’t enough, doctors can prescribe local estrogen treatments or other supports. Seeing a doctor is not admitting weakness, it’s stewardship of your body, which Scripture calls the temple of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes even small adjustments, like slowing down, changing how you approach intimacy, or focusing more on affectionate touch and closeness rather than intercourse, can keep that bond alive without pain.
If you and your husband decide together that you’d like to step away from sex altogether, that’s a decision you can prayerfully make. What’s most important is that no one feels silenced or left behind. Some couples find they don’t miss it; others realize one partner longs for closeness in ways the other didn’t expect. That’s why communication is key. Keep the conversation alive, even if it feels awkward at first. Ask him gently how he feels, share honestly where you are, and remind each other that your marriage is not just about what happens in the bedroom but about your whole life joined together.
Menopause itself can feel like a chapter closing, but God also calls it a new chapter opening.
Menopause itself can feel like a chapter closing, but God also calls it a new chapter opening. Ecclesiastes says there is a season for everything, and this is no different. Your body may not respond as it once did, but that does not mean you are less valuable or less loved. In fact, this season can be one of deeper companionship, greater gentleness, and a new kind of intimacy that isn’t limited to sex. Your marriage can grow stronger here if you both lean into it with honesty and tenderness.
READ MORE: Women naturally understand about menopause, and men don’t need to…right?
And what would Jesus say to women in this stage of life? I believe he would meet you with the same compassion he showed every woman in Scripture. He would remind you that your worth is not tied to youth, fertility, or physical desire. He would tell you that you are still his beloved daughter, that he sees your body changing but he also sees your heart, your wisdom, and your faithfulness. He would reassure you that you are not broken, and that every stage of life is precious to him. His love is not seasonal, it is constant.
So be encouraged. You are not alone, you are not failing, and you are not less of a wife or woman in this season. Talk openly with your husband, seek help if you want it, and rest in the truth that God is present with you both in every change.
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
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