Hattie Webb reflects on the pull of “cuffing season” — that autumn urge to find someone to snuggle up with. But she challenges Christian women to look beyond temporary comfort, reminding us that true fulfilment and love are found in Jesus, not in seasonal relationships.
Everyone that knows me knows that I’m an autumn girl. As a Londonder, where the summer heat can be grim, and life overwhelmingly busy, I gladly welcome the cooler air and slower pace of life that comes with autumn. To me, nothing beats snuggling on the sofa with a lighted candle and cuppa in hand, watching a good movie. So as you can imagine, when it came to dating (I’m now engaged), this was my time to shine. To throw on my chunky boots, brown coat and find my snuggle partner. And it turns out that I’m not the only one that is compelled to couple up as soon as the evenings get darker, as there’s even a term to describe it - cuffing season!
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Cuffing season is a slang term for the period in late autumn and winter when single people seek short-term romantic partners to get through the colder, darker months.
Cuffing season is a slang term for the period in late autumn and winter when single people seek short-term romantic partners to get through the colder, darker months. Diven by factors like loneliness, holiday pressure, and a desire for companionship, often ending around Valentine’s Day.
So if anyone can relate to cuffing season, it’s me! I found my first autumn being single after a painful break up a few years ago really tough. Not only because it’s my favourite season and I had no one to share it with (so I told myself although I had incredible friends), but being around family in the lead up to Christmas highlighted my singleness and the absence of my ex. This is a hard reality for singles, particularly if there’s pressure from family to get married. So no wonder we have a term to describe this pressure to find a partner by Christmas, or at the very latest Valentine’s day!
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Although there can be benefits to a post summer burst of motivation to ‘cuff up’, I’m not convinced that cuffing season is a helpful phenomenon for Christian women.
As it says on the tin, cuffing season is a season. It’s a phase, a period of time. It’s short lived. The idea being that you cuff up with someone to help you get through the lonely winter months, and then ditch them in the spring when those social plans and vitamin D levels start to increase. Although it’s more than ok to go through phases in our dating life and kindly end things if needed, I don’t believe it’s Godly behaviour to use others romantically to satisfy our own temporary needs. Christian dating shouldn’t be a temporary fix, but a stepping stone to marriage. We should be willing to invest in someone through the good, the bad and the ugly - through all seasons and phases of life.
The good news, as children of God, is that we don’t need to rely on romantic relationships to satisfy us.
The good news, as children of God, is that we don’t need to rely on romantic relationships to satisfy us. We get to be in relationship with a loving God, who promises to give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4) and fill us with the fullness of life that can only come from him (John 10:10, Ephesians 3:19, Psalm 16:11). Marriage isn’t designed to be self seeking, it’s inherently sacrificial. So it would make sense to approach dating in the same way. To prioritise blessing the other person and treating them just as we’d like to be treated (Mark 12:30-31). No one wants to be treated like a temporary fix. We’re all worth more than that.
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But sadly, you only need to download a dating app to know that it’s tough out there. I’ve had my fair share of horrible dating experiences, and even wrote a Christian dating guide to help Christians date better (we need it!). So despite my love of all things autumn and cosy evenings, I don’t think that the premise of cuffing season is helpful for Christian women. We don’t need a man to get us through the cold, dark months, we’ve got Jesus. Hallelujah!
But if being married is a desire of yours and you’re ready to date healthily, then by all means, put your chunky knits on and go for it! As we say at Hoot Singles, we believe in you! And ironically, I met my fiance in Spring - God is full of surprises!
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