Sexual soul ties are often misunderstood by Christians, or sometimes misunderstood altogether. Here, writer Bobbi Kumari explains what happens in the spiritual realm when we are physically intimate with someone, and what we can do to break the tie.


Source: Unsplash

I recently read a secular article about sexual soul ties. The author asserted that the Christian term “soul ties” was simply an “overspiritualisation” of normal attachments that occur during intimacy. She agreed though, that some soul ties may need to be broken. To do that, she suggested releasing someone with love, by meditating and calling on any angels or spirit guides, before politely saying goodbye to their soul. Oh dear, I thought to myself… this poor woman clearly thought she understood the topic, but for the most part she was pretty clueless. Yet ironically, far too often, this is also the case among “Christians” when it comes to understanding how sexual soul ties work.

Biblically, sexual soul ties are designed to be a blessing from God. When a man and woman come together in sex, according to Genesis 2:24, the couple become “one flesh” and “cleave” to one another. This cleaving creates a godly soul tie and establishes a spiritual marriage covenant. But this bond isn’t just physical or spiritual; it’s emotional and neurological too. And God deliberately designed us with neurological bonding mechanisms to help foster healthy loyalty in marriage.

Godly soul ties strengthen divine devotion

During sexual activity, neurochemicals in our brain, fire and wire together, creating immense pleasure, etching our partner in our sexual memory, altering our mental pathways and attaching us to the person we are sexually intimate with. God designed sex this way so that our brain would prefer sex with our spouse and the spiritual, physical and neurological bond would strengthen each time sexual activity was enjoyed within marriage. This would increase attraction, loyalty and devotion in the marital union and foster lifelong commitment.

But, when we have sex outside of marriage, bonding still takes place in the realm of the spirit, however the soul tie that is established is ungodly and sealed by the demonic, instead of by God. Every single person we have sex with becomes a covenant spouse, albeit illegally. This counterfeit bond not only attaches us illicitly with our sexual partner in the spirit, but it also fragments our own soul because we’re giving parts of our self away – outside of marriage. Even if we don’t feel attached, or we move on to another partner or get married, we are still attached to everyone we have previously been intimate with! This even applies to virtual images viewed during porn or fantasised about, when masturbating!

Ungodly soul ties cause bondage instead of blessing

This is why it can be difficult to walk away from someone we were once intimate with because of the soul tie that has been established. Similarly it’s why we may still find ourself thinking about an ex even though we have both moved on. It’s also why break ups can be so painful. In fact research shows that during a breakup, we are withdrawing from all the chemicals that fired and wired together, which are now being forced to unglue. Ouch.

Ungodly soul ties cause bondage instead of blessing, and when God in his word instructs us to only have sex within marriage, it is not because he is an old-fashioned kill joy, who simply wants to punish us. Rather, he is a good, loving father who is trying to protect us from dysfunction, fragmentation and unnecessary heartache.

Breaking ungodly sexual soul ties

Thankfully with deliverance prayer and a renewal of our minds, soul ties can be broken, neurological pathways can be rewired and we can become sexually whole again. Breaking off soul ties involves naming each person we have been sexually intimate with and verbally declaring that we are taking back all we gave to them and returning all that we took from them. All in Jesus’ name. It also requires us to forgive and release anyone we were sexually involved with. Soul ties can also be broken with someone who we may never have even been physically intimate with, but we may have formed a strong emotional attachment to.

To find out more about breaking soul ties, you can listen to this podcast episode on the emotional repercussions of counterfeit intimacy.