Writer Marcia Dixon reflects on Raye’s hit single, using it as a springboard to discuss how older women of faith can mentor younger ones in love, confidence, and godly living.
Someone recently brought the hit single ‘Where is my husband?’ by pop star Raye to my attention. My first thought after watching the video was that the angst of finding a husband has gone mainstream!!! Joking aside, this question is one most women have asked themselves at some point and usually don’t know the answer.
The song inspired me to reflect on Titus 2 where older women are encouraged to teach younger women to love and be subject to their husbands and family and be of good godly character.
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Although Titus was written at a time when most women got married and had children, in our modern times, the principle of older women teaching young women should be extended to all aspects of life. Including career development, running a business as well as supporting women as they negotiate the world of relationships, especially if they want to get married. If Naomi advised Ruth (in the book of Ruth) on how to get a husband so why can’t mature women.
When I came to faith as a teenager several decades ago, the main advice given about relationships and marriage came straight out of scripture.
When I came to faith as a teenager several decades ago, the main advice given about relationships and marriage came straight out of scripture. Young women were told ‘seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.’ (Matthew 6:33). The underlying message being that if women keep busy seeking and serving God a husband would come. For many this has not been the case.
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On reflection we needed more than just a scriptural verse. Practical guidance would have been much more effective. It’s evident that the search for a godly husband can induce great anxiety. It’s in this instance where godly counsel and advice from mature Christian women comes into its own.
Older/mature women can remind younger sisters in Christ to chill and not be over consumed with their desire for marriage that they forget the most important commandment
Older/mature women can remind younger sisters in Christ to chill and not be over consumed with their desire for marriage that they forget the most important commandment: to love God, themselves and others. Also to show themselves the same level of care and concern they extend to others. They can also let women know that self-confidence, belief in their abilities, qualities and judgement coupled with a reliance on God, is a requisite. Godly self-confidence is a beautiful thing, and I’m reliably informed men find confidence in a woman very attractive.
One thing that is very apparent, is that whilst many women want marriage, there’s little or no understanding of the male psyche, and ignorance about what qualities to look for in a potential husband as well as what marriage entails. This is an area where insight from godly mature women would be greatly welcomed. Experience is a great teacher and mature women would have a lot to share.
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They should also remind women how they present themselves to the world – in terms of their personal grooming and dress style alongside their character is important. I’m happy to report that as an older woman, I have put into action some to the things I’ve mentioned in this article: whether through my writing/social media posts, leading workshops, having one to one conversations or praying with individuals. As a result of doing these things, some women have gotten married, others have felt comforted and buoyed as they wait for the answer to their ‘Where is my husband?’ questions and encouraged to serve God in the process. I also know of other women who have received guidance from fellow believers which has helped them achieve their goals to get married or helped them find peace if a partner is not forthcoming.
Whilst older women can’t answer the question ‘Where is my husband?’, what they can do is remind their single female mentees, married or not, they are complete in God and are enough.
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