Dani Treweek challenges the all-too-common view of singleness as a painful pause before the “real” life of marriage begins. Instead, she invites Christian women to see singleness not as a waiting room to escape, but as a meaningful, God-honouring season that reflects eternal realities.
There can be something uniquely harrowing about sitting endlessly in a doctor’s waiting room, shifting in a chair seemingly designed for maximum discomfort, bored stiff by the inane gameshow on the muted TV, listening as name after name gets called, and wondering when it is finally going to be your turn. The wait feels interminable.
For many Christian women, singleness can feel the same: stuck in a bland, boring and banal waiting room, surrounded by others who, like you, are all longing for the moment when it is finally their turn to walk through those doors into the life they’ve been told will bring ultimate fulfilment and meaning: marriage.
READ MORE: Trusting God’s sovereignty in singleness
Even the language we use reinforces this. Phrases like “not yet married” suggest the current absence of something better. When someone refers to me, they might (hopefully among other things!) say, “Oh, that’s Dani. Yeah, she’s unmarried”. But when’s the last time you heard a married person described as being “unsingle”?
Singleness—especially for never-married Christian women—is often defined by what it is “not” or “not yet”.
Singleness, especially for never-married Christian women, is often defined by what it is “not” or “not yet”. This leaves singleness as little more than a waiting room to be endured… and ultimately escaped from.
But is that God’s vision of singleness? No. I don’t think it is.
READ MORE: I felt God ask me to remain single and my book, Nun’s Drift, contains what I learned about acceptance
When we pay attention to the Bible, we discover that its teaching about singleness is striking, not just because of what it says about this life, but what it says about the next life to come. Take Isaiah 56:5, where God speaks to faithful eunuchs (a particularly marginalised group of ancient singles!):
“To them I will give […] a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that will endure forever.” Isaiah 56:5
In a time and place where legacy (i.e., “having a name”) came through having children, this promise is extraordinary! God vows to give the eunuch something better than sons and daughters—an everlasting name. That name is the same one given to all of us who believe in Jesus Christ: ‘child of God’ (John 1:12). And so, it should come as no surprise when we read Jesus himself honouring the eunuch and linking them in their unmarried state with the eternal kingdom of heaven (Matthew 19:11-12).
READ MORE: Does the Church view marriage as the pinnacle of success for women?
Then there’s the most famous (infamous?) biblical passage on singleness, 1 Corinthians 7. Paul calls singleness a good gift from God (vv. 7-8), encourages it (vv. 25-26, 37-38, 40), and even suggests it may be better (v.37). Why? Because ‘the time is now short’ (v.29) and ‘this world in its present form is passing away’ (v.31). In light of eternity, Paul urges us not to be engrossed by the good but temporary things of this world—including marriage (vv.29-35).
However, perhaps the clearest glimpse into the eternal significance of singleness comes from Jesus himself: “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage” (Matthew 22:30)
According to the one man we can trust to know what the resurrection age is going to be like, there, none of us will be married to each other. In a sense, we will all be ‘single ever after’. So, no. Christian singleness isn’t a dull, dismal waiting room to be endured. It’s a glimpse of the eternal life to come.
Single Christian women are not stuck ‘on hold’. They are forerunners of eternity.
And, no. Single Christian women are not stuck ‘on hold’. They are forerunners of eternity.
Because of this, the comfort for those of us who are single lies in this remarkable truth: even when our singleness doesn’t feel good to us (and it often doesn’t!), it still remains good in God’s sight. Of course, that comfort comes with a challenge too: those of us who are single need to realign our vision of our singleness around his.
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