‘I was harassed by men who joked about taking my virginity’

There are many emotions swirling as I try to put words to this: shame, guilt, anger. Why was my first thought about what I was wearing? Did I somehow invite it? Did I give him a look that suggested I wanted attention?

I’m 23, and I don’t have a neat answer for how to navigate moments like these. I can’t offer a checklist on how to avoid sexual assault. But perhaps I can offer something else, the reassurance that you are not alone.

It was nearly 5:30pm on a Monday evening in London and the streets were busy with the rush hour commuters returning home. I was one of those commuters, tired and ready for dinner. The sun was still out (hallelujah! summer is returning). Slowly walking up the street I caught  myself chuckling as I passed a parent wearing suit and tie juggling three children and a briefcase. That will be me one day, I thought.

Then it happened. He came towards me, with his mates, making no room on the pavement for me to pass

Then it happened. He came towards me, with his mates, making no room on the pavement for me to pass. I knew something was wrong, he was staring, so I looked away and paid no attention. That was until he gestured and reached for places he shouldn’t have. No warning signs, no dark night or empty alleyway, just right there, on MY street.

It wasn’t the worst I had experienced, the nightclubs of Edinburgh were far worse, or those rugby boys thinking the ‘little virgin Jessica wants ME to be her first time’. 

READ MORE: With the rise and prevalence of sexual offences, believers everywhere need to confront sexual violence honestly - both in society and in Church

And then, suddenly, everything shifted. A group of men approached, taking up the entire pavement. 

But here is the truth I am still learning to hold onto: it was not my fault. And it is not yours.

READ MORE: Is the sexual revolution truly benefitting women?

I have been surrounded by good men, a loving father, protective brothers, a kind and respectful fiancé. Men who reflect something of the goodness of God. And because of that, I know this behaviour is not inevitable. It is not excusable. It is not “just how things are.” So let me say this as clearly as I can:

Do not question your worth because of someone else’s wrongdoing.

Do not question your worth because of someone else’s wrongdoing. Do not shrink yourself to feel safer in a world that sometimes feels unsafe. Do not let anyone convince you that your personality, your confidence, or your presence is the problem. Whether you are bold or quiet, outspoken or reserved, you are not to blame for someone else’s choice to violate your boundaries.

We need to stop calling women in the Bible ‘tramps’ and ‘harlots’ and recognise the real story behind the judgement

And in the aftermath, whether your response is anger, numbness, confusion, or grief, God meets you there. He sees, He knows and He cares deeply. My prayer is not that the memory disappears overnight, but that healing comes, gently, steadily, truthfully. That where there has been violation, there would be restoration. That where there has been shame, there would be freedom. You are not defined by what happened to you. You are still whole. Still seen. Still deeply loved. And even in the moments where you feel shaken or alone, the Father is near, holding you, restoring you, and reminding you that your worth has never been in question.