Bobbi Kumari shares candidly her own personal experience of struggling with sexual disorder and why she passionately believes that any sex outside of a godly context will have devastating consequences 


God’s design for sex is sheer brilliance. The physical, emotional, neurological, relational and spiritual dimensions of becoming one flesh in holy matrimony are nothing short of majestic. This is why sexuality in its truest, purest, most pleasurable and fruitful form can only flourish inside a godly context. It is my sincere belief that if we engage in sex out of this godly context, we will incur devastating repercussions.

I am convinced that engaging in a counterfeit version of sex, however gratifying, pleasurable or deceptive, will only ever lead to death and destruction. I speak from personal experience. I have engaged in a habitual lifestyle of having sex outside of God’s biblical guidelines and it has brought me so much pain. Even when it seemed pleasurable in the moment or meaningful within a long-term relationship, it has ultimately led to heartache, emptiness or destruction.

It is only in hindsight that I have been able to recognise that all along what I had perceived as standard sexual behaviour was in fact sexual dysfunction, masquerading as normality. This is what I believe to be counterfeit sex; it is a fraudulent imitation of biblical sex; a deceptive substitute used by our enemy satan, to prevent us from experiencing the real thing.

It is probably one of his most destructive and effective weapons. He offers us what is in fact sexual disorder in the guise of sex, as a subtle way to steal, kill and destroy our lives.

Sexual disorder

So, what exactly is sexual disorder? It is any type of sex that is not referred to as yada (‘know’) intimacy in the Bible (this term was explored in detail last month). The Old Testament refers to this type of sex as sakab, which means ‘to lie down with’.

The emphasis in this term is on the physical position you would usually adopt in sexual activity. Sakab implies sexual relations of an illicit nature. There is also another phrase used in the Bible called bo, which means ‘to go, into, to enter’; this word generally refers to drawing near to another or the act of penetration during sexual intercourse. When used in the Bible, the word bo is also, in most cases, outside of yada intimacy, therefore it is sexual illicit at its root.

Paul wants us to recognise just how precious and lovingly we have been created — for so much more than what we have settled for

In the New Testament, we find the Greek word porneia, which is used to describe ‘sexual disorder’ or ‘sexual immorality’. Porneia is also the word that pornography derives from. Porneia, also translated as ‘fornication’, therefore refers to every single sexual activity outside of marital sex — including premarital sex, adultery, incest, homosexuality, paedophilia, bestiality and the like. Jesus even considered sexually driven lust as sexual immorality.

In fact, biblically, every single type of porneia is outside of God’s original design for our sexuality and is therefore revealed to be an abuse to our body. The reason it is an abuse is because the gift of sex that God designed to be enjoyed only within a covenant marriage is being misused. In the following passage from 1 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul is referring to porneia or ‘sexual sin,’ as he talks about the violating implications of our bodies engaging in sexual immorality:

“In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modelled love, for ‘becoming one’ with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body” (1 Corinthians 6:18–20, MSG). 

A personal struggle

When I first became a Christian, I found myself striving hard in my own strength to stay sexually pure and I would often stumble back into sexual immorality. I would read that passage in 1 Corinthians 6 and be filled with extreme guilt.

I would fixate on the second half and would feel so condemned for misusing my body for sex; a body that I knew no longer belonged to me. It was a body that was meant to be sacred; blood bought and one that Jesus had paid the highest price to save. That was more than enough of a reason for God to call the shots regarding my sexuality, as far as I was concerned. After all, he is God Almighty, right? His precious Son is the one who shed his blood to redeem my life, right?

Yet what I have recognised in these words in recent years I believe reveals far more of God’s loving heart than I could ever have imagined. You see, as much as God is well within his rights to throw his weight around, point a finger through Paul’s words and say, “yes, your body is mine…it’s blood bought…it’s my home…so treat it with honour and holiness,” he simply doesn’t do that.

Instead I now see that we are being appealed to, by a loving, all wise Father who provides boundaries for our own protection, not because he’s ‘in charge’. Contrary to what I initially perceived as God ‘laying down the law’ is, in fact, a loving plea, to not squander the treasure we possess, but to really see with our spiritual eyes just how worthy we are.

The Apostle Paul wants us to recognise just how precious and lovingly we have been created — for so much more than what we have settled for. He almost pleads with us to awaken to the truth — that sexual immorality is a complete violation of God’s original design for our sexuality. That when we engage in anything less than yada, we are in fact abusing ourselves and violating the beautiful purpose that our bodies were created for. 


During my childhood, I was molested several times. In my mind, this was clearly abuse because it was against my will. On the other hand, I perceived the sexual activity I engaged in of my own will, later in life as sexual freedom. During that time, when it came to my sex life, I thought I was simply satisfying my sensual appetite and exercising my own prerogative.

In hindsight however, now that I understand God’s design for sexuality, I can see that all along my so-called ‘sexual independence’ was also abuse to my body! You see all sex, consensual or non-consensual, outside of marriage is in fact abuse to our bodies.

Contrary to what the world may deem acceptable as the sexual norm, our bodies were never designed for sex before marriage or for same-sex relationships, for adultery, for pornography, for masturbation or any other sexually illicit activity. Our bodies were made for the highest kind of God-given and God-modelled love, for ‘becoming one’ with another in holy, honouring, exclusive union.

Anything less than this, as attractive, as gratifying, as convenient, as necessary or as normal as it may seem, is in fact a violation of the supreme way in which we have been created. Not only this, but when we engage in sexual immorality and illegally become ‘one flesh’ with another person, we compromise our very identity as image bearers of God.

This article is based on an extract from Bobbi’s book Sacred Sexuality:

The Sacred Sexuality Conference is 30 March–1 April 2023. Visit to book tickets now. 

Watch the powerful promotional video for the Sacred Sexuality conference here.