For months after adopting her son, his bedroom remained pristine – and the reason why has stayed with her. Lucy Colman reflects on how the toys now covering the floor have become a beautiful sign of belonging, and what her child’s mess has taught her about the unconditional love of God.
The soles of my feet are bruised. Bruised by the countless tiny toys strewn across my child’s bedroom (toys which make me wonder if podiatric injury is Lego’s primary vision). But I love it. Because for a long time, my son’s room was pristine. For those first few months after we adopted our children, our eldest son’s room remained unplayed-in.
I’ve been reflecting on what it might be like for a child to be adopted. Our sons were both under five when we became a family. Two little people with very big feelings, and more ‘life experience’ than anyone should have at that age. It must have been so strange for them, arriving in our house and trying to wrap their minds around the fact that this is now ‘home’.
READ MORE: Adoption gives us the deeper meaning of family and faith
Our eldest had a number of homes before ours.
Our eldest had a number of homes before ours. This new home must have been so odd to him. How many stairs does it have? What is that funny smell? Is that really my bed? Why are all my things here, but my foster carers aren’t?
In those first few months, our eldest son didn’t spend any time in his bedroom. Unless he was asleep, he wasn’t in there. I wonder if he worried about making a mess. About taking up too much space. About what we might say if we saw the room in chaos.
READ MORE: Adoption and fostering in the Bible
And it reminded me of how I feel about God sometimes. I know I’m part of the family, but I’m not sure if He can handle my mess. Is He really a good Father? Will He still love me if I show Him the chaos in me?
The promises of the Bible help me when I’m doing a good impression of my child in those early days of our new family. 1 John 3:1 tells us: ‘What marvellous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it – we’re called children of God! That’s who we really are.’ Romans 8 reminds us that nothing – absolutely no amount of mess – can separate us from the love of God through Jesus. In Acts, Paul paints a glorious picture of our lives being utterly encompassed within the life of God: ‘In him we live and move and have our being.’
READ MORE: ‘Adoption was our first choice’
Which means our whole lives are caught up within the love and safety of the God who isn’t only interested in the neat bits
Which means our whole lives are caught up within the love and safety of the God who isn’t only interested in the neat bits. God can handle my mess. I do not have to tidy up my room – or indeed my life or my inner world – before I can belong in His family. We’re further into our journey as a family now, and my feet are bruised. Wrinkled balloons from parties gone by are scattered across the carpet. Bright, clashing paintings adorn the walls. Clothes spill out of drawers with such energy that they look alive. We are awoken each morning by the crash of our bedroom door being thrown open, little one marching in, chattering about the subject we were on when he fell asleep the night before.
It’s early and it’s loud and I love it. I love that my kid’s room is messy. I love it because it tells me he knows that he belongs here. I think God welcomes it when we share our mess with Him, for the very same reason. Messy is OK. Messy is real. Messy says: ‘I know I am home.’
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