Bobbi Kumari encourages us to think differently about our status – and sexuality
Our innate desire for intimacy and companionship can often make singleness a struggle, especially when it seems prolonged. Yet no matter what singleness may look like for you, whether it’s perfectly timed, brief or lengthy, I believe it is a wonderful time to grow in understanding of your sexuality as an individual, grow in intimacy with God and develop fearless confidence about the way God has created you. I’m also aware that singleness, during this incredible time of self-discovery and fruitfulness, can be overshadowed by the Christian misconception that getting married and having sex is where the real blessings are at.
The truth is that you can fully and confidently celebrate your sexuality while walking in purity, power and poise as a single person, without ever having to resort to sex to validate your sexuality. If more people were aware of this beautiful truth then I think they would enjoy singleness far more and not just try and ‘survive’ it.
Singleness can be overshadowed by the Christian misconception that getting married and having sex is where the real blessings are at
Another fundamental truth that I believe can make singleness more enjoyable is this: God has not forgotten you. He is a good Father who longs to give His children good gifts. He Himself said it was not good for man to be alone and if He has placed the desire for marriage in your heart then I truly believe He will fulfil it. Please do not doubt God’s faithfulness or let fear rob you of enjoying this season – even if your singleness seems to be never-ending.
Understanding the season
A prolonged period of singleness in someone’s life may be the result of a thousand different reasons. In some cases, it may even be the result of a spiritual delay that needs to be broken. This may be because of words that we may have spoken, vows we may have made or even curses that need to be broken. The Bible tells us that our words can either release life or death, therefore our very own words or someone else’s words can place a curse over a situation. For example, if someone is repeatedly told they will never get married, that they are now too old or too unattractive then this word curse can be received into someone’s heart and accepted as truth. This lie could build a stronghold in someone’s mind that would need to be broken.
Many times, however it simply is God’s sovereign plan for you to be single for that season and, to be honest, until you can make peace with that, it is difficult to really flourish and be fruitful during this period.
The Apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:6–9 that singleness is a gift. “I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows — it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust” (NLT).
He is not discrediting marriage here. He is advising those who cannot avoid the risk of sexual sin because of an uncontrollable sex drive, to go ahead and get married. However, he is also encouraging people who perhaps find themselves single to see it as a gift, ordained for the purposes of the kingdom of God. If God in His sovereignty has allowed singleness in your life, embrace the opportunity to do and be all that you may not have the opportunity to be or do when marriage does come along. Perhaps it will never come along, but that does not make single life any less powerful. I have always found it encouraging to consider how best God gets the glory when it comes to our relational status in life, because ultimately everything is about Jesus.
Keeping God’s glory in mind
God receives immeasurable glory when a married couple passionately pursues their kingdom purpose together, fulfilling their divine marital assignment. Yet for someone else, their single life could bring God greater glory than if they were married. This is certainly true for me. I was told by God many years ago that I was being hidden for a season, as He did not want what I was carrying to be fragmented through marriage. It’s massively sobering for me to consider that I have a calling inside of me that will bring God greater glory than marriage will. And though I would love to share the lavish, agape love of God with a spouse, and of course I would love to one day raise a family, I desperately desire God’s divine purposes to prevail in me far more than I have ever desired marriage.
Having said that, when marriage does come (and I do believe it will) I am so serious when I say that I only want it if it is going to take my walk with Jesus to an even deeper level. I simply could not bear it if marriage hindered my pursuit of God, distracted me or resulted in me wavering in my spiritual life. I would much rather sacrifice earthly romance and companionship, than sacrifice a powerful, passionate walk with God. Yet if marriage in my life will glorify God, advance His purposes and draw me closer to God then I fully trust God to bring it to me in His own time. I can wait as long as God needs me to. For me, the idea of two people marinating in the presence of God for years before they meet one another is possibly the best marriage preparation anyone can ask for.
This article is based on an extract from Bobbi’s book Sacred Sexuality.