In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, the Woman Alive panel answer a woman who is questioning her lack of sex drive.
Dear Woman Alive,
I have, as far as I can tell, no sex drive. Am I asexual, and what does the Bible say about this? I am a fifty-two year old woman, and I have never been in a relationship. I don’t want to get married, as I don’t want to have sex, but would love a companion. I have a busy life, and am part of a running group, so have community of sorts. I don’t go to church at the moment as I moved, and haven’t yet found the courage to go along as a single person. Would love to hear your thoughts on being asexual.
READ MORE: GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: My husband wants far more sex than I do - I’m starting to dread bedtime
Dear Reader,
Thank you for writing with such honesty and courage. It takes humility to share something so personal, and I want you to know from the start: your worth is not measured by your sex drive, your relationship status, or anything else except your identity as a beloved child of God.
Some people naturally have little or no sexual desire, and today that’s often described as being “asexual.”
Some people naturally have little or no sexual desire, and today that’s often described as being “asexual.” The Bible doesn’t use modern labels like this, but it does affirm that our bodies and desires are diverse. In Matthew 19:12, Jesus mentions eunuchs, people who either cannot or choose not to engage in sexual relationships.
READ MORE: No one talks about being single in the Church after your 50s, but the Church has a lot to work on
He even speaks of those who are eunuchs “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven,” showing that a life without sex is not only acceptable but can be a holy calling. Similarly, the apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7 that singleness can be a gift, offering undivided devotion to the Lord.
READ MORE: GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: I don’t like the idea of sex at all - does that make me asexual?
Wanting companionship without marriage is also understandable. God designed us for community, and friendships can be just as life-giving and God-honouring as romantic relationships. Jesus himself lived a fully human, joy-filled, love-rich life without marrying or having sexual relations, showing that intimacy with others doesn’t depend on sex.
The deeper question might be: how is God inviting you to experience His love and share it with others?
The deeper question might be: how is God inviting you to experience his love and share it with others? Being part of a running group is wonderful, but I’d also encourage you to find a church where you can grow in faith and build deeper spiritual friendships. Walking through those doors as a single woman can feel daunting, but remember—you’re not walking in alone. Christ goes with you, and he delights in you as you are.
Whether you use the word “asexual” or not, know this: you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and your life has eternal purpose.
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
No comments yet