In our fortnightly column ‘Real Talk’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything.
Dear Woman Alive,
I am married with two kids, and my older sister is married with one child. She longs for another baby, but they haven’t been able to conceive and she is in her mid forties. She has asked me to donate my eggs, so they can use for IVF. My husband is not comfortable with it at all, and I don’t feel right about it, but I want to help my sister. I have prayed asking God for help, but I am still confused. Is the Christian thing to do to give her my eggs?
READ MORE: How old is too old to have a baby?
Dear Reader,
This is such a painful and deeply personal situation. Your sister’s longing for another child must be heartbreaking to witness, and it’s understandable that you want to do everything you can to help her. At the same time, it is equally understandable that you and your husband are feeling uneasy.
READ MORE: Should I freeze my eggs while waiting for my Boaz?
One thing stands out in your letter: you say, “I don’t feel right about it,” and your husband is also uncomfortable. Romans 14:23 reminds us that we shouldn’t act against a conscience that is prayerfully troubled. That doesn’t necessarily mean your sister’s request is wrong, but it does suggest you shouldn’t ignore the lack of peace you feel before God.
Egg donation is also more complex than simply giving blood or an organ.
Egg donation is also more complex than simply giving blood or an organ. It would mean a child who is genetically yours would be raised by your sister. Some families navigate that well, but for others it brings unexpected emotional and relational challenges later on. Christians also hold differing views on IVF and egg donation, so this isn’t an issue with a simple biblical yes or no.
READ MORE: A woman in the UK has become the first womb transplant recipient to give birth, this is my response as a Christian midwife
It’s also important to remember that this is a decision for both you and your husband.
It’s also important to remember that this is a decision for both you and your husband. Marriage means making significant choices together, and it would be unwise to dismiss his concerns because you feel guilty or pressured. Loving your sister doesn’t necessarily mean giving her what she asks for. You can support her, pray with her and walk alongside her grief without feeling obliged to donate your eggs. If, after prayer and wise counsel, you and your husband still don’t have peace, it is okay to say no.
I’d encourage you to speak with a trusted pastor or mature Christian couple who can pray with you. Above all, keep asking God for wisdom. James 1:5 promises that he gives wisdom generously to those who ask. Trust that he is able to guide you lovingly, both as you care for your sister and as you seek to honour him.
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
Our Real Talk column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
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