GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: I had to leave my abusive marriage but now I feel really angry at God - why did he let that happen to me?

Dear Woman Alive

I was with my husband for eight years. We were quite young when we got married but lots of other Christian friends did the same. Over the years he got slowly more controlling to the point of being abusive. There was some physical abuse but it was mainly emotional and spiritual abuse. I finally found the courage to leave and am putting my life back together. But I’m left with this burning anger at God. I don’t know why he didn’t protect me?

Dear Reader,

First of all, I am so sorry for all you have been through. Well done for being brave enough to leave a situation which sounds very painful.

I can understand your burning anger at God. Holding in tension the truth that God is good, when our circumstances certainly don’t feel good is a difficult road, and one that demands faith.

Holding in tension the truth that God is good, when our circumstances certainly don’t feel good is a difficult road

It is the journey of suffering – how can a good God, who says he loves his children, allow suffering? Why did he allow you to marry a man who became abusive?

I don’t have all the answers, but I know from my own journey that God can redeem pain that others have caused me. The enemy of our souls wants you to let your ex-husband’s actions taint the truth of God’s character and love for you. But His love is real, and your story is not over.

I would recommend watching this talk on suffering by Dr Vince Vitale, I think he might be speaking straight to your situation.

what you are feeling is very valid, and if you don’t let it out, it will affect you in negative ways

Practically, my first piece of advice is to release the anger. Let that pent up fury out verbally when you are driving and no one can hear you, or perhaps invest in a boxing bag to punch away at. That may sound unholy, but what you are feeling is very valid, and if you don’t let it out, it will affect you in negative ways.

When you have physically released your emotions out, then I would encourage you to talk to God again. While you walk through this period of pain and grief, instead of turning away from God in anger, turn to him, and ask him to be like a husband to you in this time.

Isaiah 54:5 says: “For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is his name - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit - a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.’

Your husband made some choices, which led to the breakdown of your marriage, but just because your marriage is over does not mean your life is over. There is so much hope and redemption for your future.

I pray your anger will turn to hope as you begin to hear God’s voice again, and he shows you the plans he has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11).

If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.

Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. If you have a question for us, email:womanalive@premier.org,uk

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