Frozen forgiveness and the Wagatha question: Why is it so hard to let go?

The “Wagatha Christie” saga began on 9 October 2019 when Coleen Rooney posted her viral Instagram statement accusing Rebekah Vardy of leaking her private stories to the press. The libel case went to the High Court in London in May 2022, and on 29 July 2022 the judge ruled largely in Rooney’s favour, finding Vardy had likely leaked information.

Recently Rebekah Vardy declared that “hell will freeze over” before she apologises to Coleen Rooney. It made me think of the old saying that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Rebekah is doing herself a diservice by not forgiving, however difficult it must me, as the trouble is, while we’re waiting for justice, closure, or that longed-for apology, the bitterness quietly settles into us.

READ MORE: You can have an ungodly soul tie with the person you refuse to forgive

Public grudges seem particularly painful because they become part of a person’s identity.

Public grudges seem particularly painful because they become part of a person’s identity. At this point, the Wagatha Christie saga almost feels less about leaked stories and more about two women trapped in a narrative neither can escape. And while the tabloids enjoy the spectacle, it can’t be good for anyone involved to remain emotionally frozen in bitterness.

And bitterness rarely stays contained. It leaks into marriages, friendships, church life, parenting, even physical health. We think we’re imprisoning the offender, but often we’re the ones pacing the cell. That doesn’t mean forgiveness is easy, but it is so important. I read Mark 11:25 this morning: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” 

READ MORE: Living grace-filled lives and the power to forgive

And bitterness rarely stays contained. It leaks into marriages, friendships, church life, parenting, even physical health. 

Some Christian advice on forgiveness can sound painfully simplistic. “Just let it go” is not especially helpful when someone has deeply wounded you, betrayed your trust, or shown no remorse whatsoever. That’s why we can ask God to help us forgive. We often can’t do it in our own strength. In my own family, I’ve watched loved ones walk out forgiveness after being treated terribly, and not always with the comfort of a heartfelt apology at the end. What I’ve learned is that forgiveness is rarely a one-off emotional moment. More often, it’s a daily decision.

READ MORE: ‘God told me I had to forgive my mother’

Forgiveness also doesn’t mean pretending boundaries are unnecessary. You can forgive someone and still decide they shouldn’t have unrestricted access to your life. Even God, in His kindness, doesn’t remove consequences from every action. But refusing to forgive eventually chains us to the very pain we want to escape. That’s why we need to speak honestly and compassionately to ourselves or people in our lives who are holding grudges. And if forgiving feels impossible, you are not failing as a Christian. Sometimes forgiveness is beyond our natural capacity. That’s exactly where the Holy Spirit comes in.

One of the simplest and most powerful prayers we can pray is: “Holy Spirit, help me want to forgive.” Because sometimes even the willingness is a miracle. The good news is that God never asks us to forgive using sheer human determination. He offers grace for the process. Maybe Rebekah Vardy will apologise one day. Maybe she won’t. But the question for all of us is, what grudges are we still carrying around, insisting we have every right to keep? And are they freezing our hearts in the process? Because freedom rarely begins when the other person changes. Often, it begins when we finally let go.