Signs & Wonders in everyday life - God never gave up on me

Hope in the heartache

All my experiences of love had been shaped by a cycle of different forms of abuse. As a young woman I was living constantly in fight-or-flight mode. I always had a desire within me to search for a better life, a way out, but fear gripped my whole being at the thought of what might happen if I dared to try. Then, within the abusive relationship I was still in, God blessed me with a beautiful baby boy and, a few years later, the sweetest baby girl. Surely these babies were my way out, a way forward from the constant dread, numbness and fear I was experiencing. As I navigated motherhood alongside a relationship that demanded everything from me, I lived in fear. I felt compelled to please my partner’s every whim just to keep the atmosphere calm and avoid conflict. This became the pattern of everyday life. 

Fast forward to now: I am 50 years old, with two adult children and two granddaughters, and I have lived as a single parent for over 27 years. When I found Jesus, or, rather, when Jesus found me, I was in the early years of motherhood, desperate and overwhelmed, drowning in fear. Finding Jesus was an unexpected interruption to my normal life, which felt lonely and like a long, dark tunnel with no visible way out. I visited a local playgroup with my daughter, led by a group of wonderful Christian women. There, I encountered kindness, patience and gentleness in a way I had never truly experienced before. It was freely given, with no expectations in return. It felt different. It felt genuine. I began to hear about who Jesus is and what He had done for me on the cross. This intrigued me, as I had always believed in God. As a child, I loved visiting our village church, feeling as though I somehow belonged. But I had always thought of God as distant, somewhere far removed from someone like me. This marked the beginning of my journey to know Jesus. 

Over the following years, as I stayed connected to that playgroup and became part of a church family, more cracks of light began to appear. Gradually, that light pushed back the darkness. In time, God made a way for me to leave the abusive relationship. Finally, it was just me and my babies. I thought I would be able to breathe again, but instead, life began to unravel. Years of buried emotions rose to the surface, and I had no idea how to process them. As the adult, I felt I should have been able to hold everything together, but the truth was, I was broken. Looking back, I see that season like peeling an onion, layer upon layer coming away, each one revealing years of pain and unhealed wounds. I began to experience emotions I had never allowed myself to feel before. Every parenting challenge felt like a threat, sending me into a spiral of chaos. I battled anger, shame, guilt and the constant shadow of fear. I felt unable to cope. Yet, in all of this, God was drawing me closer to Him, offering healing. It wasn’t easy, as I struggled to trust that I wouldn’t be hurt again.

But God never gave up on me. As it says in Hebrews 13:5, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Now, as I return to my present reality, a place still marked by heartache, I hold on to the truth that God is still God. His promises remain true, and He knows my heart towards my children. I often reflect on Genesis 50:20, realising that what the enemy meant for evil, God can use for good. 

As I walk this uncertain path, I believe God is reshaping where I have placed my identity. It was never meant to be found in any role I have held, but in Jesus alone. I am learning, day by day, to find my security, acceptance and significance in Him. It is a journey of grace that I continue to walk. God has chosen me – and you. That is where our true identity is found: in knowing who God says we are and believing His word. Each day, I awake, aware of my deep need for God’s grace. I wait in hope for restoration in my family, choosing to live with purpose and to walk in forgiveness, just as I have been forgiven.

Sharon

Better than a fairytale

As a young girl I used to love reading the fairytale Ladybird books, and dreamed of the day I would meet my prince and live happily after. Unfortunately, real life kicked in when I was only six years old and my mum died of a brain haemorrhage. Being the only person of faith in my family, my nan tried to help me by taking me to Sunday school, but she lived so far away this occurred only twice a year. I grew into a wayward teenager, always seeking the love and approval that had been so cruelly taken away from me when I lost my mum. I lurched from one relationship to the next, attracting the wrong type of partners due to low self-esteem. By the time I was 18 I was married with a son, then I got divorced at 26. Selling my house, I went headlong into a second relationship, only to find myself fleeing with my son from domestic violence two years later.  I lived for six months in a women’s refuge waiting to be rehoused, having lost everything. My life was in tatters and I felt that if God did exist then He couldn’t like me very much. 

Then I met my handsome prince. Admittedly, I wasn’t immediately swept off my feet. It was hard going at first. We were both damaged goods, having come through divorce, and we found it very hard to commit to and trust each other. I kept breaking up the relationship. I knew I was completely broken but I didn’t know how to fix myself. I had no idea how to build a healthy relationship. Thankfully, unbeknown to me, help was just around the corner.   

In 2006, my partner was invited to go on an Alpha course by a woman who lived in his village. He asked me to go with him but I really was not interested at all. We had talked at length to each other about what we believed, but to go on a course to explore our faith seemed one step too far to me. However, my partner was determined he was going and mentioned that he thought some of the other women from the village would be on the course. I had heard stories about some of the women in the village, who were notorious for chasing men whatever their relationship status. Struggling with lack of trust and extreme insecurity, I felt there was only one thing for it. I had no choice but to go with him. That was honestly the only reason why I went. 

On arrival, I was astounded by the welcome that we received. I met some of the loveliest people and we were fed with a beautiful homecooked meal, which became the norm each week. During the course, we were encouraged to pray and to ask Jesus to come into our lives, which we did, but we still had so many questions. As we continued the course our understanding gradually expanded, and the moment of connection came a few weeks later when we attended the ‘away day’, where we learned all about the Holy Spirit. We were both prayed for and in that moment the Holy Spirit came to abide in us and our journeys of faith and healing began.

In 2008, my prince asked me to marry him and we have grown from strength to strength with God as our guide ever since. All these years later we are still at the same church that ran the Alpha course. So in the end, I did get my fairytale ending, but not in the way I imagined. I know now that my happily ever after isn’t just about my earthly marriage. It’s about walking each day with Jesus, knowing that I am chosen, that He loves me and that He will never abandon or reject me. One day in the future I will have the greatest pleasure of living eternally with Him forever. Now that really is the greatest love story ever told – much better than a fairytale. 

Nina