In our fortnightly column ‘Real Talk’ we answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us an email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything.
Dear Woman Alive,
I think God showed me the man I am going to marry. I had a dream about him, and I just feel God is saying he is for me, but he does not seem interested in me. What do I do? It feels very frustrating.
Dear Reader,
I can understand why this feels both exciting and incredibly frustrating. If you genuinely believe God has shown you that this man will one day be your husband, it must be confusing when what you believe you have heard from God doesn’t seem to match the reality in front of you.
Firstly, God can speak to us through dreams. There are many examples of this throughout the Bible. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that every dream we have is prophetic, even when it feels particularly significant. Our dreams and feelings can also reflect our own hopes, fears and desires, which is why discernment is so important.
READ MORE: GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: Why do I feel doomed to unrequited love?
The Bible tells us to “test everything; hold fast what is good”
The Bible tells us to “test everything; hold fast what is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:21). So rather than building your future around this dream, I would encourage you to hold it lightly before God. Ask him to confirm what is from him and, just as importantly, to show you if you have misunderstood.
It may also be helpful to talk and pray with one or two mature Christians who know you well. Proverbs reminds us of the value of wise counsel, and sometimes someone outside a situation can see more clearly where our own emotions may be influencing our interpretation.
There is another important factor here: this man has a choice too. A healthy relationship requires two people freely choosing and pursuing one another. If he is showing you that he isn’t interested, I think you need to take that seriously and respect it. His lack of interest isn’t something you should try to overcome because you believe God has told you otherwise.
READ MORE: The dating trend everyone says is romantic - why it could leave you heartbroken
God does not need you to chase, persuade or manipulate someone in order to accomplish his purposes.
God does not need you to chase, persuade or manipulate someone in order to accomplish his purposes. And I would be very wary of interpreting every interaction with this man as a “sign” that the dream is coming true. That can easily leave us emotionally attached to a relationship that doesn’t actually exist.
You can, of course, continue praying. But perhaps change the prayer from, “Lord, when are you going to bring us together?” to something more surrendered: “Lord, if this is from you, please confirm it in your way and your timing. And if it isn’t, help me to let it go.”
READ MORE: Learning to love ourselves and others
Proverbs 3:5 says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Sometimes trusting God means believing what we think he has told us. At other times, it means being humble enough to accept that we may have heard him incorrectly.
Most importantly, please don’t put your life on hold waiting for this man. Keep pursuing God, enjoying your friendships, meeting people and embracing the opportunities in front of you. If something is genuinely from God, you don’t need to force it into being. Perhaps the deeper question God is inviting you to wrestle with is not, “Is this the man I’m going to marry?” but, “Can I trust God with my future, even if it looks different from the future I imagined?”
That kind of surrender can be difficult – but it can also bring tremendous freedom.
If any of these issues have affected you, you can call Premier Lifeline for support. Premier Lifeline is a national, confidential helpline offering a listening ear, emotional and spiritual support from a Christian perspective. If you would like someone to talk with and pray for you, call Premier Lifeline on 0300 111 0101.
Our Real Talk column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of the publisher. If you have a question for us, email: womanalive@premier.org.uk
No comments yet