I am a failure to everyone - except God

Emma Kitchen reflects on how life with Severe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, though invisible and isolating, became the unexpected place where she encountered God most intimately. Far from the world’s definitions of success, she reveals the quiet richness found in stillness, surrender, and divine presence.

I begin each day not by rising, but by listening. I hear the quiet stir of the world moving on without me, cars pulling out of driveways, neighbours heading to work, lives being lived. Meanwhile, I remain in bed, caught in standstill time, my limbs heavy with the strange, relentless weight of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I hear my elderly mother’s footsteps on the landing. She’s preparing for another day of caring for me. I feel a familiar guilt as I listen to her boil the kettle. This isn’t the retirement she dreamed of.