Writer Shakira Peronet confessed that before she got married, she was clueless about sex. Here she explains the three things that helped her navigate her newly-wed sex life.


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Getting married is all fun and games till it’s the countdown to your wedding night and you realise you and your husband have very different ideas about sex or absolute no ideas at all. **Sips tea **

As someone who was a virgin when she got married, and only discovered that women had the ability to masturbate at the age of 19… I was well and truly clueless. For me my private parts were exactly that … PRIVATE. They were so private not even I knew about them, even writing this makes me laugh now but I genuinely felt like the less I knew the easier it would be to keep my legs closed and maybe there’s some truth in that.

Anyway… as Christians the word “purity” is thrown around like confetti at a Birthday Party; “Don’t wear that, you’ve got to protect the brothers purity,” or “don’t watch this it’ll affect your purity,” or “Don’t hug too long, it might affect their purity,” and the list goes on and on…

Pray about your sex life - the same God that made your elbow made your clitoris!

You then date and it’s mostly side hugs with some wild moments of going too far and cuddling for hours both “forgetting” to leave room for Jesus (Ok enough of my own confessions). But before you know it BOOM, it’s your wedding day and suddenly everyone is expecting you to have awesome sex after being awake since 6am because you had to shower and have your breakfast before the make up artist arrived… fun!

But these three things helped a whole lot:

  1. I had five girlfriends that kept it 100 with me, as in they told me all the tea! The messy parts, the funny parts… everything! They answered questions I didn’t even know to ask and a year later I still feel wildly grateful because I could literally remember things they shared as it was happening.
  2. Hubby and I discussed contraception options together, spoke to each other a month or two before we got married about any hopes, fears or concerns we had as well. I am so glad we had this time together just the two of us, it was vulnerable and real. Your pastor or church leader won’t be there holding your hand, so get used to having the convos one on one and scrap the Chinese whispers.
  3. Pray about your sex life - the same God that made your elbow made your clitoris! He knows. There is absolutely nothing strange about praying about your sex life… in fact it’s encouraged!

If you’re getting married please forget “getting it right” on the first night. You’ve got a whole lifetime ahead of you. Relax and just enjoy being together. There’s a lot more to sex than penetration. And if you’re married, been out of the game for a while and you’re not in the brides inner circle. Please stop asking “Soooo how was it?” **Wink wink nudge nudge**as soon as they come back to church, don’t do it, it’s not your business.