GREAT SEXPECTATIONS: I think my 15-year-old daughter is having sex with her boyfriend, what should I say to her?

In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ the Woman Alive panel answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us a confidential email on womanalive@premier.org.uk and ask us anything. Here, we tackle; what to say to your teenager if you think they’re having sex.

Dear reader, 

We understand your concern. Communication on this issue can come with negative emotions and shame that mean a conversation is not easy. My advice is that however much you may be panicking about the age of consent, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, and also that it is not God’s best for her, try to contain the desire to control the situation.

If you find out she is in fact having sex, you can stop her by force – i.e ban her from seeing her boyfriend and ground her for the next 20 years, but will that be the best solution? She may still be a child in your eyes, and seemingly only a few moments ago was running around in nappies, but at 15, she probably feels quite grown up. Having sex might also be helping her to feel like an “adult”. I wonder if you can you use this concern to forge a deeper connection with your daughter?