Jesus asked me why I had rejected him

I was born in a liberal nation but into a strict Muslim family. My father was prominent in politics and deeply conservative. Life for my sisters and me was tightly controlled, so much so that we weren’t even allowed to shop in public. If we wanted to buy clothes, my father arranged for shops to close after hours so no strangers could see us. We wore full traditional dress from head to foot, though not the burqa. 

The impact of hearing the name of Jesus

I was sent to a Christian school because it was the best education available, though we were not permitted to attend religious classes. I’ll never forget sitting on the steps of the playground, overhearing other children talking about someone called Jesus as though he was God; I must have been eight at the time. I had been born with a hole in my heart, and I often heard my parents whispering that I would not live beyond 18, so would never marry, never have children. I remember thinking: “Jesus, if you’re God, you can make me better.” Not long after, doctors found no trace of the heart defect. The consultant looked at me in astonishment and said: “You can live a normal life. You can have as many children as you want.” 

At the time I didn’t understand it was a miracle. I carried on with life and soon forgot. My childhood was still marked by strict control and deep exposure to the realities of radical Islam. My father was 50 and my mother 15 when they married. He died when I was 13, and after that life became more relaxed; within a year I’d gone from headscarves to bikinis on the beach.

Messy marriages

In my teens, I rebelled. I left Islam and became fascinated with the occult, witchcraft, astrology and New Age practices. I even earned a diploma in astrology. At the age of 21, I married a Scottish banker and we had three children. The marriage was not arranged, but it was deeply unhappy. 

By my early 30s I had an affair with the man who would become my second husband. Our relationship began in scandal. My first husband, influential in politics and business, even had him deported from a Muslim country when he discovered the affair. I had already resolved to end my marriage, but this forced my hand. My children’s father, despite his threats, continued to provide for their education, and I will always honour him as a loving father even if he was a controlling husband.

I hardly knew my second husband when we married, just six weeks after meeting properly in 1982. Looking back, it was like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Our marriage was passionate but tempestuous, full of love yet marked by two very strong wills colliding. 

We moved to England and I trained as a fashion designer then had my own clothing business. My husband did the paperwork, while I handled the creative side. Running a small business meant we were always busy; no time for anything else.

An encounter with Jesus

One day in 1994 my sister, who lived in London, said: “I want you to come to an Alpha course at my church.” I thought: “Oh no, Christians…they all look like porridge and grin too much.” But I’d made a resolution to spend more time with my family, so I said: “Fine — as long as it’s after 11 January.” She checked. “It starts on the 12th.” I had no escape. 

It was at Holy Trinity Brompton (HTB). At the last minute I tried to get out of it because my train was late, but my sister said: “They don’t mind. Just come.”

Everything about that night was what I feared: too friendly, bad supper, singing, a talk I couldn’t wait to finish. In the small group I exploded: “You Christians make me sick. You think you’re the only ones going to heaven. I’ll stay down here and go to hell with the Muslims, Buddhists and Hindus. Good luck to you!” I stormed off saying they’d never see me again.

Later, I had to apologise to my sister. The next morning, waiting for my husband to pick me up from my sister’s, I noticed an Alpha manual lying around. I flipped through it, not really reading, and, suddenly, a man appeared before me.

He said: “After all I’ve done for you, why do you reject me?” I knew immediately it was Jesus. I didn’t understand the cross or forgiveness of sins, but I knew I was standing before the living Lord. His eyes radiated love. He showed me moments of my life when he’d been with me, hearing my prayer at eight years old, helping me in financial binds, never leaving me.

When my husband arrived, I said nothing. I didn’t dare; people would think I’d lost my mind. But that single encounter changed everything. That Saturday evening, while cooking steak, I asked my husband: “Do you know who Jesus Christ is?” He laughed. “All that religious stuff? I ditched it at school. Total hypocrisy.” 

I woke the next morning with a burning desire to read the Bible. I remembered our son had one in his trunk up in the attic. Still in my nightie, I read through Matthew, Mark, Luke and most of John. I was devouring the word of God as though it were Haagen-Dazs ice cream! I called my sister and said: “I’m coming back to Alpha.” The next week, the group welcomed me warmly. During worship, whenever anyone said “Jesus” I would start to weep.

Experiencing the Spirit together 

The encounter with Jesus changed everything. I knew God was real, that his word was alive and that I could never go back to the life I’d lived before. Meanwhile, my husband grew suspicious: why was I disappearing to London every Wednesday night? He thought I might be having an affair. But one evening he surprised me and showed up. When introduced, the group said: “Nice to meet you at last.” He asked: “How did you know I was coming?” They said: “We prayed.”

That night Sandy Millar gave the talk, and my husband asked me afterwards: “What am I supposed to do about this stuff?” I handed him Questions of Life [a booklet produced by the Alpha team].

I also told him I was going to the Alpha Holy Spirit Day [A day to help Alpha course participants understand and engage with the Holy Spirit], but he couldn’t come because he was involved in freemasonry. I’d renounced all my occult practices without anyone telling me to. I’d thrown my witchcraft books in the bin, refusing even to sell them despite my husband’s protestations! They’d cost thousands, but I said: “I don’t want anyone else using them.”

The night before the Holy Spirit weekend, without telling me, my husband went into the garden and burned his freemasonry books and regalia, returning the lodge’s property with a kind letter renouncing it all.

When we went to the Holy Spirit Day, something extraordinary happened. Beforehand, I’d felt a strange language forming on my lips; later I realised it was tongues. At the weekend, when they prayed, I received that gift, shut myself in my room and prayed in tongues for hours in a glorious communion with the Lord.

During the talks, my husband’s hands began to buzz. Someone told him: “That’s God giving you a gift of healing.” That night my husband prayed for me while I was asleep. “If healing is from you, God, heal her.” I’d had a frozen shoulder for years; he said the buzzing stopped after he prayed. I woke up able to lift my arm freely. 

I didn’t know what it was called at the time, but I began receiving words of knowledge about people needing healing. We would pray, and they would get better. I remember one business meeting where a young woman had cancer. Suddenly, I felt God say: “Go and tell her you’ll pray for her now.” I panicked, but it felt like everyone in the room disappeared; it was just her and me.

“Shall I pray for you?” I asked. She nodded, sharing that she’d had 27 interferon injections and felt awful. I turned to my husband and he said his hands were buzzing. I placed a hand on her shoulder and lifted one hand in prayer, saying simply: “Jesus, you said you are the healer. Heal her.” She later said I’d touched her forehead, but I hadn’t. The next day, she boarded a plane completely well.

Growing into ministry

For two years, HTB became our home church. We joined the prayer ministry group and were part of the Alpha team, praying for people we’d never met. 

After we became Christians, we had problems in the business and lost everything financially, yet nothing phased us. We were completely, utterly in love with Jesus. We started small groups and organised Alpha courses. 

We continued learning and growing. I enrolled in a Bible course called ‘The Way of the Spirit’, completing it in a year and a half. Meanwhile, God blessed us in other ways. When we had no money, we received investments, purchased clothing for retail and sold over £3,000 on the first day. Within three years, we were debt-free and mortgage-free. 

We became established in our church and by 1999 my husband wanted to study Hebrew, so we sought out one of England’s best classical Hebrew teachers at a Bible college. We prayed together and were told we should consider ordination.

Our vicar encouraged us, but the interviews for Church of England ordination were challenging. Eventually, we met a Filipino bishop in the Anglican Communion who had been ordained from the Philippines. He was raising churches for Filipinos in the UK and was impressed by our hearts and experience with Alpha. He invited us to the Philippines during their centenary celebrations. We thought it was a holiday, but it turned out we were being considered for ordination and to pioneer a Filipino church in the UK, even though we didn’t know a single Filipino. 

We prayed separately that night, and God confirmed it. I was hesitant about the robes and tradition, but the Lord said: “Don’t be so selfish. If you do this, you’ll be happier and more fulfilled than ever before.” I said to the Lord: “Please get one of the bishops to say those words in English tomorrow, and then I will do it.” The next day, in a service mostly in Tagalog, the bishop spoke in English. His words directly echoed what God had told me: “You people are so selfish.” I knew itwas confirmation.

We balanced ministry and business from 2003 to 2010, never worrying about finances; God provided. In 2010, we transitioned to full-time ministry. As soon as we did, resources and support began to flow naturally, enabling us to focus entirely on our church. 

The faithfulness of God

Becoming a Christian didn’t make life instantly easy. Our marriage still had challenges. We were both fiery, both stubborn, but something shifted: I knew I was no longer alone. The same God who had protected me as a child and sustained me through divorce was now leading me step by step. God has been faithful, guiding us through unconventional paths – ordination, church planting and mentoring the next generation – showing that his power and provision are real for all who trust him. 

Alpha is a series of group conversations that freely explore the basics of the Christian faith in an open, friendly environment. If you are reading this as someone who does not know Jesus, and would like to, visit  alpha.org.uk

Words by Jemimah Wright

* Faridah’s name has been changed to protect her identity