In our fortnightly column ‘Great Sexpectations’ the Woman Alive panel answer your questions on sex, faith and intimacy. Drop us a confidential email on email@example.com and ask us anything. Here, we tackle; a mother’s concern for her son’s relationship.
Dear Woman Alive Panel,
I feel uncomfortable with my 23-year-old son who recently started dating a girl, both are practicing Christians in their early 20s. He still lives at home and the girl is still in university doing her Masters but they see each other ever so often spending weekends and every available time together which I find unsettling even though my son says that they are not doing anything and that I am thinking too deep.
Just wanted him to do what is right as a Christian and wait until married but he says they are spending time together to get to know one another first before getting married in few years. Just wondering if I am being unreasonable?
I can see how much you love your son and you want him to make good choices. That is a wonderful thing. I don’t think you are being unreasonable in finding their current obsession with each other a bit much, but I also think you need to trust him, and let go.
Let them have this time, they are so excited to have found each other.
I have to admit – being around a young couple in love can be annoying – they only have eyes for each other, need to constantly be near each other, and the world seems to revolve around them and their relationship. This is not unusual, and it does settle down eventually!
Let them have this time, they are so excited to have found each other – we all yearn to find love – and it looks like your son has met his future wife, so it is not surprising he wants to spend time with her to get to know her better.
It sounds like your son has made a good choice for a girlfriend, they are both Christians, and although you have not mentioned anything about her character, it is impressive she is studying for a Masters. From reading between the lines, I think you are most concerned about your son and his girlfriend sleeping together before they are married. I am sorry to say, you are just going to have to trust them on this. Your son is 23 years old, and although still under your roof, this is about his walk with God. I am sure they know your beliefs on this issue, and now you have to let go, and pray for them, that they would have the wisdom and self-control they need.
My guess is that if you try to control this you will push your son, and potentially your future daughter in law away.
My guess is that if you try to control this, and control how much they see each other, you will push your son, and potentially your future daughter in law away. If you tell your son you are trusting him and his choices, affirming that he is an adult, and he has the capacity to make good choices, it may be the encouragement he needs and be a real blessing to you and their relationship.
Our Great Sexpectations column is written by a number of different contributors who make up the Woman Alive panel.